BACK IN THE US..US..USSR
In the 'I should have been an ITV boss (scuttling down the corridors of silent LEVEL THREES)' department.
Wouldn't it have been a better idea, in every way, for maxiumum rock n roll entertainment value, for emotions both nasty and good (otherwise known as bathos and redemption)(or: the difference between damp eyes and wet pants) to have gone:
REBORN IN THE USSR?
To find out who was big behind the Iron Curtain in the days when they still thought 'You Can't Always Get Want You Want'* was a reply not a record, and then tour the
[h]ex stars through the backroad territories, occasionally (I WANT TO SEE THIS DAVID LIDDIMENT!) playing to 4 bemused tractor salesman and a jigging old black clad Granny. But don't get me wrong. The joke here would not be on the fine Russian (or whoever) people. It would be on the faces of ex stars alternating between still raging embers of ego and the acceptance, if they are honest, that this was where they were always heading, down, down below Richard tryin' to be hip and pally with them and Judy looking dyspeptic, like <----I'M WITH GEEKY HERE, below the Identity Line Up on Buzzcocks, below cruise liner medleys... down... into the choppy waters of DUCKING STOOL TV. . .
Some people - a Genesis P Orridge for example, maybe - would defy miseryguts predictions by taking with gusto to the task, loving it, spreading his fun and message and sense of Panic mischief to every hamlet and school; others (and this is where you start to really rub your palms together) - and here I'm thinking of the 'Oh, Troubled Diva She WISHES' school of, eg, Wendy James - would not. They would sulk. A sulk so deep and troubling and palpable that people from the villages around Chernobyl would raise their frail mottled hands against her face and say, 'No, plis, Miss Whoever Yuh Are, switch it ov, svitch ov the force field!'
I'd REALLY like to see Bryan Ferry on there too. Really. I mean - you STILL get this vibe from him, don't you, like, I still think I'm Mr My Shit Isnt Brown It's Arts & Crafts Actually ... but you know, like, NEW SONGS, Bryan, hummable HITS, the last time I looked that was your JOB DESCRIPTION?
So, so far I'm thinking:
Wendy James, Lionel Bart, Genesis P Orridge, Bryan Ferry, The Runaways, and ... hang on, or was that all just a dream I had last week (I've had odder - the one with Les Dawson & his Wife... and yes, I mean Dawson and not Dennis... )
Actually, the whole damn thing would be worth it just to maybe get Richard Madeley in Genesis P Orridge drag . . .
*Full Parenthetical Title: '-(But My Cousin's Friend Ivan Makes This Killer Codeine Garlic Mush I GUAR-AN-TEE You Won't Remember Saturday Night Or Who You Fuck Sunday Morning, Yeah?)'
posted by Ian 5/03/2003 09:51:00 AM