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NOW playing: K.O.T. "Finally"*: oh by the pipes of Pan this cheers me up & gets me hopping in a way I had forgotten possible ... talking of which, has anybody else been rendered hysterical {in a good way, a good way} by Sean Lock's 15 STOREYS HIGH [BBC2, Thursdays, transfer from BBC3]?

{*[Kevin Yost Extended Vocal Mix, for those of you who need to know these sort of things]

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Life Imitating Three Kings?
7.20. C4 News:
Iraq: after a routine traffic stop guards are reporting that they saw 500 million $ worth of gold bars on back of a truck? This was just overheard on my part, but - did I hear that right? (It seems to beg more Q/s than it settles, somehow.)

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Spring cleaning this week I unearthed - from deep inside a mountain of free shampoo sachets, spent plastic lighters, cat dreadlocks, seed packets, a Cohiba cigar band, a big plastic Residents style eyeball: your standard household guck in fact - a long forgotten camera: a Canon ELPH LT. I'm confused, now. What came first, this, or Coil's 'ELpH vs COIL: worship the glitch'?

Also found in the spring clean: an old copy of DeLillo's White Noise. I'd forgotten how FUNNY it is. (Why hasn't some Indie-2-Hollywood young director made a film out of it yet?) And then, of course, the dark underlined subtext not so funny stuff. . .

"Man's guilt in history and in the tides of his own blood has been complicated by technology, the daily seeping falsehearted death."

{Slightly spookily, a few times recently I have been woken up at 3 or 4 in the morning here deep in the Pill Box by something going past on the nearby railway line which must be fucking HUGE, as it shakes this place to its bloody foundations. I mean, literally, like a leafless twig in March winds, you know I'm saying?
In the X years I've been here I've heard enough trains going by in the dead hours of the night but this was different: it made the stuff INSIDE the house, the reinforced foundation stuff sunk into the ground, the trees in the garden, all that, stir n TREMBLE n sweat. I got quite freaked, thought the whole place could come down any minute; and, like, this is JUST what a paranoid with an over active persecution complex and malign imagination REALLY needs, yeah? Oh, I remember Edge of Darkness, I do. . .}

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"I'm here to avoid situations. Cities are full of situations, sexually cunning people. There are parts of my body I no longer encourage women to handle freely. I was in a situation with a woman in Detroit. She needed my semen in a divorce suit. The irony is that I love women. I fall apart at the sight of long legs, striding, briskly, as a breeze carries up from the river, on a week-day, in the play of morning light. The second irony is that it's not the bodies of women that I ultimately crave but their minds. The mind of a woman. The delicate chambering and massive unidirectional flow, like a physics experiment. What fun it is to talk to an intelligent woman wearing stockings as she crosses her legs. That little staticky sound of rustling nylon can make me happy on several levels. The third and related irony is that it's the most complex and neurotic and difficult women that I am inevitably drawn to."

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NOW playing: Coil: "Moon's Milk or Under an Unquiet Skull"
Incomparably beautiful.

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Now there are people I personally cannot stand - U2, Craig David, Blur, heck, we'd be here all night naming people I hate who are unbelievably popular - but I understand, just, why other people do like them and want to see 'em.
But there are people who just keep getting PUBLICITY where I don't GET it at all, not AT ALL, from ANY angle.

Like, tonight, on Later With Jools Belgium: Skin
Uh. . . r-i-i-ght.
Just what the World is CLAMOURING for: a Skin SOLO lp.
Yeah: RIGHT. Like: we couldn't get enough of her before...

I always used to think even when she was in that dodgy unlistenable heavy metal band that the way she kept getting invited onto things was WELL DUBIOUS. Like, you know, insulting and patronising to every other black woman or lesbian or six foot big mouthed person in the world (or, shall we say: ACTUALLY TALENTED black woman or lesbian or six foot big mouthed person), do you follow me?

I'm sorry but I refuse to believe there is an extant music loving constituency that this ghastly old yodelling trouper means ANYTHING to.

{Oh but ****, **** & *******s why is there always ONE person you watch to see on his god damn infernal chumfest show? I shall have to watch it with the sound turned down just to catch a single solitary quavering moment of fragile fluting beauty from Cat Power. . .}

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Decided on a whim to watch TOTP 2night for the first time in, oh, 8 centuries maybe. I think the last time I watched TOTP you might still see The Associates on it if you were lucky and/or Shaun Ryder was still devilishly handsome. So: a LOOONG time ago, then. So. TOTPB003. . .

Big Brovaz
Proof probable that IRONY is DEAD. And politics. And Irony.
Did I mention irony? Am I hearing correctly? A "Sound of Music" rap? At least Jay Z's "Annie" rap was kinda surprising. And one of the twit cartoon rapper BBz ACTUALLY goes 'Aw-ite?' ALi-G style over the intro. That alone did for me I'm afraid. I have real problems with even GOOD rap these days, never mind this chicken-pumped-full-of-water and fried in tack. . .
And is it just me or hasn't this NAKED MATERIALISM name dropping bling grabbing thing become so rote and shallow and inflated and over-wrought that it is now just edging toward the boundary of, like, well, how can I put this, but, kind of, awful awful racist self-caricature? Like: Oh yessum yessum bawss, jes' giv me some SHINY jewellery and one o dem BIG cars - gots to be thu big BIG ones eats up the petrol so! - and some that RICH folks lives on the hill LIKKER so I wakes up headsore tomorrow and I'm happy as the dayz is long (?)

I could be WAY off beam here.
But shit, without getting all NINE SIMONE Died For Our Sins About It (Nina liked a drink) if I hear ONE more mention of Cristal or limos or 'youve got to buy me STUFF and SHINY things before I'll FUCK you' type "love" songs I think'll stop listening 100% ... Sorry. I'm way off the 'tip' here, right? I'm a miserable old Adorno-ite git?

(I get the feeling I am: but FUCK it. Have you READ how BORING most Blogs are? I mean: HAVE you? Don't people HAVE opinions any more? I mean I'm hardly Mister Stern High Culutr here - I've already started compiling my Big Brother diary on graph paper- but COME ON! a bit more FIRE, please... I cant be the only Id in Krisisdom that's IRKED by this shit. . .)

Lisa Scott Lee
Proof that you can have all the zeudo-Barbarella bump n grine formation pole dancing stylist budget in the world but still look about as convincingly naturally come on in SEXY as a long wet weekend in Hunstanton. (Alone. With Les Dennis.)

Mr redz vs dj skribble
Splutter! Break dancing? BREAK DANCING? Krist, I'm definitely too too TOO old for all this. I feel like some new Harry Enfield character - the Old Gits crossed with James Lavelle. (God, what a horrific thought.) TOTP Girly Presenter: "The Old Skool is DEFINITELY getting younger!" {PARSE that preceding sentence for me by Monday morning, younger Pawpeeps, will you, pleeese?}

Sean Paul
Incidentally and this is probably but also a measure of how old gittish I am, but on a fashion note: Big Brovaz and Sean Paul both: really HORRIBLE icky tacky leather jackets, like Barry Sheen awful or Eddie, the other Roger Daltrey-ish one on a motorcycle, you know... and HEADBANDS all of a sudden. What's with the awful headbands? Is it a sympathy for the Shi'a thing? But with Sean Paul I will say: finally a record I could imagine playing. In fact, shit, I actually already have a copy of it. How did that happen - how did that get there? Are there ragga elves or something?

Jemini No comment. There's crap young peoples muzik and there's shooting fish in a barrel.

Girls Aloud No, nope, sorry. Don't see/hear it myself. Does nothing for me. (Does anyone here remember Bardot? Dream?) OK: I will say this: SERIOUSLY: genuine sonic jouissance: no kidding: original Sugababes. One Touch cd. tracks 1) and 6): I DIE. Come back soon, Siobhan, signed your 1 Tru Fan IAN. . .

justin timberlake NO COMMENT. What do you want from me - I'm a jealous old stay at home out of condition git. (As out of place here as Phil Mitchell walking thru a pink neon nightclub full of lithe young people in brite tight clothes while freak like me plays.) Does anyone here remember Peter Andre?
OK, comment: live timberlake here sounded TO ME like 'dirty mind' era Prince balladry except lite neutered unfocussed, & body-less. OK? (Bodyless? I am SUCH a jealous old git.)

R Kelly Oh come on do you really expect me to. . . "bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce" ... come off it, I mean if I could sing/rap rather than sit here like a zombie in smelly old clothes and tap tap tap tap and I mean I could say "I'm like: Cristal poppin in the stretch navigator" and you'd HAVE to believe me "and after the show it's the after party" Y-E-S that makes a certain sort of sense tap tap tap tappity tap "and after the party it's the hotel lobby" what is this? are you earning a million bucks for yr singular songwritng talent or giving me fucking directions like a bell boy here "and after the cat litter it's the cup of tea and after that'it's the Bill" tap tap tap tappity tap bounce bounce bounce bounce CAT CAT CAT CAT or OH I see you're earning a million bucks for your ability to wear another sodding horrible looking headband. Without looking like a prat. No, you look like a prat. And sound like one too. Like, we give a shit what BRAND of fucking limo you drive. Fuck off back to your fucking accountants and TELL THEM THEY MIGHT GIVE A BIG SHINY SHIT. Prat.

Ah well but, s-i-g-h, as no less an honorary PawBwoy as Nelson Mandela so rightly properly wisely said this week:

"I am too old to express an opinion on the latest developments by young people."

Words to live by. (I wish.)

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My first thought: interesting: will there be any IRAQ WAR arguments?
What do YOU think?

Am reserving commentary on Big Brother anon; but:
"BB reserves the right to change the RULES at any time*."
I didn't know that, did you?
I mean: that's a real PRISONER type deal, that is.

"I am not a twentysomething who's, y'know, no longer young enough that they can just go out every weekend and get caned but I'm not a miserable old fuck yet who does nothing but watch TV and read obscure books and is - fuck this shit - into GARDENING -. . .I'm a FREE MAN."

Yeah, right: previous BBz really notable for their long discussions of the roads to freedom and, like, what people want to do with their lives. . .

*Actually, I'm sure I remember a great but truly scary Dr Who from the 60s with a mad psycho childman who challenged the normally wily Dr. to a kind of real time living 3-D board game with fatal pay-off but like he did the same, kept changing the rules as he went along. Or did I dream that?

(That's life: the Other keeps changing the rule, the law, the response.)

And did you see where they're allowed to take ONE book in this year?
You see - right there is one of the main reasons I could never do this. I daily have near nervous breakdowns just trying to decide which one of five or six different books to take with me into the bathroom in the morning. . .

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Oh god. Cat Power was worth sitting up for. Sublime, Like catching a Laura Nyro rehersal in 1968 or something. {Great mini interview profile in G2. 'Disaster and heartbreak fuel Cat Power's songs. After spending an afternoon with [her] in a hotel room - she stays in bed and smokes cigarettes - it's easy to see why. "I was working as a waitress in Atlanta when my boyfriend passed away and I completely lost my mind. Then my best friend died of AIDs. Everyone I loved in Atlanta was on heroin and it was really awful and gross..." etc, etc.'} God, I think I'm in love {see DeLillo qte above and PBs, passim}. In a strictly frolicking in the meadow sort of way, course. What a lullaby vox. . .

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posted by Ian 5/24/2003 01:18:00 AM

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